Embracing Abandonment: Discovering Spirituality Through Life's Transitions

Abandonment is one of the most painful human experiences. It can arrive through childhood emotional neglect, the loss of a caregiver, the end of a relationship, estrangement from family, or even a sudden rupture with a place, community, or identity that once felt like home. When abandonment occurs, it often leaves behind a deep sense of unworthiness, disconnection, and a primal fear of being alone.

Yet for many people, abandonment also becomes a profound spiritual threshold. Not because it is good or desirable — but because when external sources of safety, validation, or belonging fall away, we are often forced to confront something deeper: our relationship with ourselves, with life, and with meaning itself.

This is not about bypassing pain with spirituality. It is about discovering a spirituality that can hold pain — one that emerges through abandonment rather than denying it.

The Wound Beneath the Story

In somatic and mindfulness-based psychotherapy, we understand abandonment not only as a story held in the mind, but as an experience held in the body.

Abandonment often lives in:

• A collapsed chest or heart space

• Chronic tension in the psoas or belly

• A sense of bracing, hyper-independence, or emotional numbing

• An ongoing background fear of being “too much” or “not enough”

These patterns often formed early, when the nervous system learned that connection was unreliable or unsafe. Over time, the body adapts — learning to self-protect by disconnecting from needs, emotions, or intimacy. Spiritual longing can sometimes arise from this same place. Many people who experience abandonment find themselves searching — for meaning, belonging, or a sense of something larger that will not leave.

The Story of Sedna: Power Born from the Depths of Abandonment

There is an Inuit myth that speaks powerfully to this experience — the story of Sedna, the goddess of the sea.

Sedna was a young woman who, through betrayal and fear, was cast into the ocean by her own father. As she clung to the side of his boat, desperate to survive, he cut off her fingers one by one, forcing her into the depths below.

From this unimaginable act of abandonment and violence, something unexpected emerged.

As Sedna sank into the ocean, her severed fingers transformed into the creatures of the sea — the fish, the seals, the whales. In time, she became a powerful sea goddess, ruling the depths, holding both the beauty and the danger of the ocean within her domain.

In many tellings, Sedna retreats to the bottom of the sea, where she must be tended to with care and respect. When she is neglected or her pain is ignored, the waters become turbulent and life above is affected. When she is honored, nourished, and witnessed, balance is restored.

In the very depths of her abandonment — in the place she was cast out and left for dead — Sedna discovered her power. Not in spite of the descent, but through it. Her gifts were not given from above; they were revealed from within the darkness she was forced to enter.

This myth does not romanticize abandonment. It reveals something deeper: That within the depths of loss, something powerful, creative, and life-giving can emerge — but only when the pain is acknowledged, not denied.

From a modern lens, her father can also be understood symbolically — as an expression of patriarchal power: a system that has historically controlled, silenced, or severed women from their instinct, voice, and embodied authority. In this way, Sedna’s story is not only personal, but collective. It echoes the ways many have been cast out, diminished, or abandoned by structures that could not hold their truth or power.

It is time for Sedna to rise from the deep dark and reveal the power of truth.

When the Search for God Is a Search for Safety

For some, spirituality begins as a way to soothe the abandonment wound.

This can look like:

• Seeking unconditional love from a spiritual figure or belief system

• Longing for guidance, protection, or reassurance from something greater

• Wanting to believe there is a deeper order or intelligence holding life together

There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, this longing often reflects a healthy instinct — the nervous system seeking regulation, connection, and safety after relational rupture. Problems arise only when spirituality becomes a way to bypass grief, anger, or unmet needs — or when it recreates abandonment through rigid beliefs, spiritual perfectionism, or self-abandonment in the name of transcendence. A grounded spirituality does not ask us to disappear. It invites us to arrive.

Embracing Abandonment: From External Belonging to Inner Presence

One of the quiet initiations of abandonment is this:

When no one comes, we are invited — often unwillingly — to learn how to stay.

At first, this feels unbearable.

But slowly, with support, the experience of staying with ourselves can begin to form something new:

• An inner witness that does not judge or leave

• A capacity to feel emotions without being overwhelmed

• A sense of presence that is not dependent on another person’s availability

This is where spirituality shifts. Not as belief — but as relationship. A relationship with breath. With sensation. With the intelligence of the body. With the rhythms of nature. And here, the story of Sedna offers a quiet mirror. Just as she descended into the depths, many of us are called — through abandonment — into the deeper waters of our own inner world. What once felt like annihilation can, over time, become a place of profound sensitivity, intuition, and creative life force. We finally learn how to embrace ourselves and embrace abandonment.

But only if we are willing to turn toward what lives there.

The Role of Grief in Spiritual Awakening

Abandonment always involves grief — not only for what was lost, but for what was never received.

Grief softens the protective structures of the psyche. It humbles us. It opens places we once armored. Many spiritual traditions recognize grief as a sacred initiator.

In grief:

• The illusion of control dissolves

• Old identities fall away

• The heart cracks open

If we allow it, grief can bring us into direct contact with impermanence, mystery, and the fragile beauty of being alive.

Like Sedna beneath the ocean, grief may ask us to descend — not to drown, but to discover what lives in the depths. This is not a comfortable spirituality. But it is an honest one.

Somatic Pathways to Reconnection

Healing abandonment — and discovering spirituality within it — is not a purely cognitive process. The body must be included.

Gentle somatic practices can help restore a sense of inner belonging:

• Slow, mindful movement that emphasizes safety and choice (yin yoga)

• Noticing sensations that arise when feelings of aloneness surface

• Orienting to support in the environment (the ground, breath, warmth, sound)

• Practicing staying present with small moments of connection

Over time, these practices teach the nervous system something new: “I can be with myself — and I am not alone.” This embodied knowing is often more transformative than any belief system.

In this way, we begin to tend to the inner “waters” — to the places within us that, like Sedna, may hold both pain and immense creative potential.

A Spirituality That Does Not Leave

For those shaped by abandonment, spirituality often becomes most authentic when it is:

• Non-dogmatic

• Body-aware

• Rooted in compassion rather than transcendence

• Spacious enough to include anger, grief, doubt, and longing

This kind of spirituality does not promise rescue. It offers companionship.

It does not erase the wound. It weaves meaning around it.

Gentle Reflections

If abandonment has shaped your life, you might reflect on:

• Where do I abandon myself in order to belong?

• What helps me feel even a small sense of inner safety?

• What does “presence” feel like in my body?

• Can I allow my spiritual path to include my grief, not bypass it?

• What might be waiting in the deeper “waters” of my experience?

• How can I cultivate the courage to stay with myself in the darkness?

Finding spirituality in abandonment is not about making peace with harm or loss.

It is about discovering that even in the absence of reliable others, something within you remains — aware, breathing, feeling, alive.

Like Sedna, what was once cast away may hold unexpected power.

That quiet presence — tender, imperfect, and real — may become the beginning of a spirituality that finally knows how to stay.

With Love from the LIMINAL,

Sandra Snehana